One tiny bundle of blessed joy! Melissa! She was so beautiful and had definitely filled out from the skin and bones she had been. You judge for yourself.
1st Day with Melissa
5 months later
But, she is definitely still very small for her age. She has developed as well being able to now do 4 month old and some 6 month old gross motor skills. She can rollover but usually tires easily from that. She also sleeps A LOT. Likely from the extra work her body has to do with her heart.
It was beautiful to see her bond with Wilna and Stanley who take care of her now. I'm realistic enough to realize that she wouldn't know me when I came this time. But, I came armed with a talking photo album with messages from her blanc (white) family and pictures. It is good to know that she is bonding and feeling loved when we can't be here. Thank you Wilna and Stanley.
We spent the first night re-learning each other and again, my heart was full.
The next day was full of hurry up and wait and bouncing around Port au Prince. I traveled with Michelle to take a child who is a candidate for heart surgery to get an echocardiogram. This beautiful little girl was named Kathleen. She was 2 years old. As I checked her in the truck, her oxygen level registered 68%. This would explain the blue lips and clubbed fingers for sure. After much searching and pleading, we found a physician who would do the echo but he couldn't see her for another 2-3 hrs. We headed back to Petitionville and 2 Domino's pizzas later we went back and got this little one's echo.
She was found to have a large ventricular septal defect which blessedly is very repairable. Through the new program with Chadasha Foundation and Internation Childrens' Heart Foundation, the Lord will provide for her medical healing. What a blessing.
It was Melissa's 1st birthday so we rushed back to Petitionville (ha ha, I said rushed through Haiti traffic) and picked up the gorgeous cake for her. We were ready to head back to the guest house and PARTY. Melissa's birth Mom was waiting for us when we returned for the party and the blessings would not only be for Melissa, but for us all....
My apologies to those few out there who have been following Melissa's story. This entry is long overdue. Last week I traveled back to my second home in Port au Prince. The trip was primarily planned to spend Melissa's first birthday with her. How could I possibly miss this special milestone. Secondarily, it was to meet some contacts and plan for a team that I was pulling together to come late April.
Some of my Facebook friends were privy to the concerns that I had developed in the days leading up to the trip. Usually my emotions are full of excitement and anticipation but not this time. I wasn't sure if it was unknowns about the future of things with Melissa's mother showing up or the future of my role in ministries in Haiti. All I was sure was that this trip was not feeling "right." So what I always do when I feel like this is pray...pray...pray. I prayed the Lord would take this trip and use it for HIS plan and glory. I gave Greg a short list of things I'd like to do when I came and I readied for the trip.
On the flight, I had some concentrated time to read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.
It was exactly the word I needed to hear. By the time I got off the plane in Port au Prince I was recharged and ready for God's plan. It really focused me to surrender to God's love and plan for me in ALL things. It occured to me as I finished this book, why so many fall in love with Haiti and discipling here.
In Haiti, you see and touch the face of God. No lie! It is here. Tangible and real. Nothing in the way to block your front row view. Who wouldn't want more and more of that? Crazy love is real and undistracted here.
I must say at this point, I've really gotten a system to traveling into to Haiti alone. Never thought a year ago the Lord would develop in me an ability to travel on my own to a third world country. I'm the greatest "Chicken Little" that there ever was. I truly think that the Lord will give us what we need when we are following his way. So, without hesitation, I darted through immigration and customs and headed to the pickup area. Greg greeted me and we waited for a team arriving that would be staying overnight at the guesthouse on their way to Les Cayes. I was so excited when Greg showed me what he had for me. My OWN Haitian phone!! Woo hoo! Now, I felt like I was a more permanent part of this mission. Don't laugh. It really was big for me to have some sense of a long term place here when my heart calls me her time and again. My passion continues to grow for my mission family in the Chadasha Foundation. The group I represent Project Sharewood is a sister to Chadasha Foundation in many ways. This group of God's faithful servants has blessed me so to welcome me into service with them. Check them out at: http://www.chadasha.org/. I'll speak more to some of their visions as this story progresses. The Lord has called me to walk along side these incredible people.
On our way to the guesthouse, I had to laugh at myself as the Lord once again taught me to never say never. While in Charlotte I believe, I watched an employee sweeping up litter outside on the tarmac/concourse. He really was having to search for anything to sweep given the pristine look of the area. I thought to myself, "you'd never see that in Haiti."
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So as we were leaving the airport grounds, there in the turnabout, were 2 women sweeping up trash in the gutter. WHAT? They were a part of the work for food program that is becoming more popular in PaP. I just had to laugh and remind myself that God IS at work here. When I got to the guesthouse, it was like coming home. Hugs and gifts were shared with my Haitian family and my heart was full. Then, finally, Wilna (wonderful woman caring for Melissa) and Melissa arrived. Heart skipped a beat.
Sweet, sweet baby finally back in my arms...God is so good!
If you didn't read the last post, please do. As I was steering 7 10yr old little girls through the breakfast line at the hotel this morning, I received 2 pictures of Melissa and her Mom. The love in her mother's eyes was unmistakable.
You all know all I know at this point. I haven't heard how it went or what was said. It stinks sometimes to be so physically far away from where I feel I need to be.
So what was my first reaction to the pictures? A sad joy, if that is possible. Also the silly observation that she looks like her Mom. There was an emotion of commitment to this child and her family. God brought this Mom back to us for a reason. I will pray for the direction He is asking of us and we will follow His will. Bondye Bon Tout Tan! (God is good ALL the time!)
Thank you all for your sweet words of encouragement. They all keep me going I assure you!
I haven't blogged in awhile for the simple reason that not much has evolved. The steps for the adoption have been slower than usual and slower than necessary in truthfulness. The letters, documents and such require many hours of work during "day hours" and frankly our schedules are confined by full time jobs. So we are figuring this out but not in the timely manner we'd hoped for. We were very fortunate to have a friend from medical school who is currently a pediatrician at Harvard offer to inquire with his colleagues about Melissa's medical care. If they come through and offer help, we may be able to pursue Humanitarian Parole for her more expeditiously. So that is the extent to which we have progress. Little to none but we continue our efforts.
As many of you know, I leave in a few short days to go down alone for a brief visit to celebrate Melissa's first birthday. The weeks of planning this trip have been exciting and full of anticipation. But, for reasons unclear to me, the last few days have been filled with an emotion of doubt and uncertainty. I have prayed again and again that the Lord would use this time for His will and purpose. That will continue to be my prayer.
The "pothole" in everything came today. I got a call from Greg (missionary we work with in Haiti) this morning. Apparently at some point (I'm not sure of the exact details) Melissa's Mom "showed up".
Yes, I said it. Melissa's Mom is back after being completely missing in action for the last 5 months. She hid herself so well that concerted efforts could not find her as we tried those first 2 months. I was told that she came back and spoke with Yanick (clinic director/wife of community pastor) professing her apologies for the way she left Melissa. I was reassured that the Mom didn't request to have Melissa back however.
WHAM!!! CRASH! Pothole...
Now all who I have spoken with in the last few months know that my biggest rub has always been the fact that Melissa has parents. It is a big struggle for me to process adoption of children who's parents have placed them in others care for the sheer fact they cannot support the child due to circumstances. It means more to me to build up these families and keep them intact whenever possible. This is the reason I have fallen in love with the Apparent Project (http://www.apparentproject.org/). That is their goal as well.
So, what could be better than having a chance to help Melissa's true Mom provide better for her family?
**Crack** My heart breaking a little wider...
So, tomorrow (or today by the time I post this) the Roberts will be taking Melissa to the Pernier Baptist Church to see her Mom. And even as I type this, the ache gets a little deeper. I now wonder what His purpose for this trip truly will be. And I pray with every breath, that He will show what is best for Melissa with all of my selfish desires and wishes aside. Jack and I talked and agree that we want what is best for her and we can not rule out that we may not be what is best for her. We hope we are. We feel we are. But, we are at least honest enough with ourselves to know that some of those emotions could have selfish motivations. We truly love this child enough to follow God's will for her.
The emotions of this news were definitely mixed. I was truly thrilled that this woman would seek Melissa out. From the first day I never doubted that her Mom loved her. She was malnourished but otherwise cared for. She had no diaper rashes or any signs of neglect. She had been loved to the best of her Mom's abilities. I believe that with every ounce of my soul. I have never questioned her Mom's choices because frankly I can not say that mine would have been any different in the desperate situation she was in.
And yet, my heart aches and breaks a little more faced with the fact that this road has become even rockier and unsure of its ultimate destination. Those emotions were shared with Jack (my husband) only briefly with a quick cry in our hallway before we had to put on our "happy faces" as we were hosting a sleepover for my 10 year old's b-day at a local hotel with family and friends. Sometimes I really don't think I have the fortitude for this journey. We must, however, dig a little deeper again and journey on.
After concentrated prayer and seeking the Lord's will, I am feeling much more resolved in the steps ahead. It has been a subtle realization in the last few days of the changes going on within my family. The Lord is truly at work within our home and my heart has swelled with gratitude. I am so blessed!
I love what I refer to as "God things". Saturday, I spent the day in CME (continuing medical education) lectures. During the introduction of the first lecturer, the speaker acknowledged Dr. Bill Sims who was present at the conference. As I turned around, I realized Dr. Sims was sitting directly behind me. The "God thing" is one year prior, to almost the exact day, I had been working with Dr. Sims via phone and e-mail to obtain orthopedic supplies for the disaster relief in Haiti. A year and a day later we meet at a random conference?
God Thing!
The conference was followed by a meeting with Ryan Harbaugh to transfer a huge donation of previously loved soccer gear to our warehouse for future delivery to Haiti. Woo hoo! You can see his blog at: http://pwt-blog.blogspot.com/
This all made for a productive day, but it even closed in an awesome way with a date night with my wonderful hubby. It gave me much to praise for come Sunday morning.
We are now looking at footsteps toward paperwork to bring our Melissa home. In the meantime, I will be traveling down to share her birthday with her next month. Stay tuned! I hope to collect some things to take for the Apparent Project. Keep your colorful cereal boxes and we'll let you know where to take them. More ways to help coming...
"The eyes of the Lord are on me, and His ears are open to my cry...When I cry out, the Lord hears, and delivers me out of all my troubles." Psalm 34:15, 17 (NKJV)
I wrestled with whether to post tonight...few want to read about struggles of the heart and soul but I needed to get this out tonight and sort through these emotions. Tonight I have felt some of my most despised of human emotions. Tonight, I am angry! Frustrated! The human "why's" are flooding over me and drowning out my sensibilities.
Over the last 3-4 months, attempts have been made toward the disposition of the small child who holds my heart- Melissa. It started with the evaluation in PaP at the end of October that was to be the start of a journey to other places for medical treatments and evaluations. But, as my hazy vision sees it tonight, it feels like the end. In the moments of receiving a no-where diagonsis of an inoperable heart defect we stepped into a lake of quicksand. We fight it and pull and struggle. We yell and fuss and fight more. Yet, we go no where. No progress. Just slow inevitable sinking.
After witnessing the rally of many toward Tamaka and then incredible movement of heaven and earth to provide for her, I have felt tonight anger with myself on why haven't I been able to accomplish this for my own??? We were not in time to save Tamaka though I truly have no doubt there was nothing that could've been done faster. To have complete medical facility and teams set up in agreement in 48hrs is a miracle. So, will Melissa be on her deathbed before anything can be done to get her out of Haiti? I wait and wonder.
There have been people that I love and trust offer advice but the problem remains...I can find no one to stand with us on the medical end. To accomplish this there has to be physicians who are willing to write the letters and stand and say this little girl must come here for care. That they will assume her care. There isn't a specified treatment, specific goal to reach for. Her needs are broad and undefinied. She needs, well, everything but nothing. I don't want to be her doctor. Can I just be her Mommy? I have been an advocate for other children, but feel alone as I advocate for her. I am failing her and I know it. It's there. In my face as she sits in Port au Prince now looking to be moved to someone else's home from our missionaries. (Another twist that I'll explain another time.)
Today, I have had been asked to pray or offer assistance for several children needing care in the US for a myriad of issues several of which are cardiac in nature. And that ugly part inside me that I try to hide away says, "WAIT! What about Melissa? Did someone forget about her? Who can help us?"
It is horrible to say these things I know...I know. She looks so good right now on the outside such that everyone forgets this little girl has essentially a 3 chambered heart and runs on 25% less oxygen that another child on her good days. We are on borrowed time that is slipping away day by day.
I know, KNOW the Lord has this. I KNOW he is in control. But, I'm broken tonight. Weak. Lost. I wouldn't care for myself one bit, if a frail little infant wasn't depending on me to find her way out. In this haze of darkness my mind wonders to thoughts of "maybe this isn't God's will for us to be with her. Maybe, her new caregivers are better choices for her forever family." My heart aches and breaks and the blur of tears in my eyes seem that they will have no end.
But somehow, I will force myself as I close this entry to lay this down at His feet. To praise Him in this storm.
Praise His holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5
What a journey the last 4 days have been...for those who have not heard the heart breaking news, here is a posting from the journalist who has been following Tamaka:
January 17, 2011
By Rachel Turner
Tamaka Ezca passed into the arms of Jesus at 7:25 p.m. tonight, January 17, 2011, at the University of Miami Hospital in Port-au-Prince. Named “the most beautiful girl in Haiti” by nurses, her smile captured the hearts of many.
After six days of struggling to live, Tamaka’s oxygen levels dropped too low, and her enlarged heart could not work fast enough to keep her alive. “All hands were on deck,” said Dr. Ronye Emory. “We had two surgeons, one cardiologist, and a pharmacist working over her. She just couldn’t do it anymore.” Her mother’s cries filled the pediatric ward as she mourned her daughter’s death. The medical staff was stunned and sad.
Many in the US and in Haiti rallied together to try to save Tamaka’s life after cardiologist Dr. Clint Doiron and his partners from the Chadasha Foundation met her on Friday. “She has rheumatic heart disease caused by untreated strep throat,” said Dr. Doiron. “She will not live without immediate help in the US.”
That day, members of Chadasha began contacting US hospitals asking them to host Tamaka. Dr. Jenny Chapman from Huntsville, Alabama, immediately joined those trying to help Tamaka, and soon secured a place for her at Huntsville Hospital with help from colleagues.
Surgeons, EMTs, relief workers, and contractors traveled to Port-au-Prince’s General Hospital throughout the week to donate blood for Tamaka. The goal was to raise her hemoglobin level for her scheduled flight on Thursday morning.
But even with so many people reaching out to Tamaka, she didn’t make it.
This is a story that has replayed many times in Haiti, but those who reach out must not grow weary, for eventually, change will arrive.
Perhaps telling beautiful Tamaka’s story will make a difference for the next heart patient that needs to be sent immediately to the United States. Perhaps her story will grow awareness for the need of medical and surgical cardiac care in Haiti.
One thing is true, those who were touched by Tamaka’s smile will not forget. May her memory continue to spur change.
Monday began as a good day. I was busy working on plans for Tamaka's transfer while seeing patients in the office. I had 2 computers going side by side working the issues at hand. 2 letters for the visa were completed and an e-mail at lunch and I knew that the letter from the hospital was completed as well. The other parts were being worked well and for once it really seemed that this was coming together. I picked up the letter from hospital and rushed home to get the letters scanned in to our colleagues in Haiti to piece together for her visa application.
There was a little bump midday as Michelle (the missionary currently caring for my sweet Haitian daughter Melissa) informed me that Melissa was sick. For those who are new to my blog, Melissa is a beautiful infant with Down's Syndrome and congenital heart defect that was abandoned on a previous trip.
Oh. No. You see through these last few days with Tamaka I have struggled with a transfer of emotions regarding the specific illness Tamaka had. This type of infection in the heart and heart failure are likely issues for Melissa someday. It was a glaring reminder as to the fragiligy of Melissa medical conditions. (see previous posts for more info). I tried to shrug it off and press forward with the tasks at hand.
Much of the remainder of the afternoon was spent in getting the letters scanned to those who are going to submit the medical visa. Once that was accomplished, I had moved on to planning the coordination of the transport from the airport to the hospital. News came that Tamaka's mother would not be travelling with her but a dear Haitian friend Yanick would travel with her. This was very exciting to plan hosting this dear friend here in Huntsville for awhile.
We sat down to a dinner of Chinese take-out and my cell phone rang. It had been beeping and chirping all day with texts and e-mails, but it rang this time and a Haitian number was on the caller ID. It was Greg giving the news that the Lord had released Tamaka from the bondages of our world and taken her home. My first question to him was, "Was her Mom with her?" This is important in my mind that she was not alone in that moment. Blessedly, he described her mother and father were with her. We hung up and before I could process it, I knew many had to be notified. An hour or so later of calls and messages, I was getting the kids ready for bed. My sweet husband mentions, "you know, that will be us in 10 years."
WHAT?
I stopped right in my tracks...
"What do you mean?" I asked, but I knew. You see Melissa has a severe heart defect which we know will not allow her to grow into an adult. That one infection could cause heart failure and the like. He was right. The unimaginable grief Tamaka's dear parents are suffering right now, is an inevitable grief we will face some day.
But what my sweet husband did remind me was that the important thing was that we fill her little life with all the joy and love we can for however long we can. Wow! In a scenario when many wouldn't want to even open the door to this challenge and heartache some day, he was there. Ready to show God's love.
For those who missed it, I posted an incredible song on Facebook written from the perspective of the loved one who has passed away. It is "heaven's perspective". It was originally written by Mandesa for a sweet patient of mine who's precious first born son passed away at birth. It is to remind us that they are in such a better place and we will see them again in the blink of an eye. I will share it with you below.
