Caution: Potholes Ahead

I haven't blogged in awhile for the simple reason that not much has evolved.  The steps for the adoption have been slower than usual and slower than necessary in truthfulness.  The letters, documents and such require many hours of work during "day hours" and frankly our schedules are confined by full time jobs.  So we are figuring this out but not in the timely manner we'd hoped for.  We were very fortunate to have a friend from medical school who is currently a pediatrician at Harvard offer to inquire with his colleagues about Melissa's medical care.  If they come through and offer help, we may be able to pursue Humanitarian Parole for her more expeditiously.  So that is the extent to which we have progress.  Little to none but we continue our efforts.

As many of you know, I leave in a few short days to go down alone for a brief visit to celebrate Melissa's first birthday.  The weeks of planning this trip have been exciting and full of anticipation.  But, for reasons unclear to me, the last few days have been filled with an emotion of doubt and uncertainty.  I have prayed again and again that the Lord would use this time for His will and purpose.  That will continue to be my prayer.

The "pothole" in everything came today.  I got a call from Greg (missionary we work with in Haiti) this morning.  Apparently at some point (I'm not sure of the exact details) Melissa's Mom "showed up".

Yes, I said it.  Melissa's Mom is back after being completely missing in action for the last 5 months.  She hid herself so well that concerted efforts could not find her as we tried those first 2 months.  I was told that she came back and spoke with Yanick (clinic director/wife of community pastor) professing her apologies for the way she left Melissa.  I was reassured that the Mom didn't request to have Melissa back however.

WHAM!!! CRASH!  Pothole...

Now all who I have spoken with in the last few months know that my biggest rub has always been the fact that Melissa has parents.  It is a big struggle for me to process adoption of children who's parents have placed them in others care for the sheer fact they cannot support the child due to circumstances.  It means more to me to build up these families and keep them intact whenever possible. This is the reason I have fallen in love with the Apparent Project (http://www.apparentproject.org/).  That is their goal as well. 

So, what could be better than having a chance to help Melissa's true Mom provide better for her family?

**Crack**  My heart breaking a little wider...

So, tomorrow (or today by the time I post this) the Roberts will be taking Melissa to the Pernier Baptist Church to see her Mom.  And even as I type this, the ache gets a little deeper.  I now wonder what His purpose for this trip truly will be.  And I pray with every breath, that He will show what is best for Melissa with all of my selfish desires and wishes aside.  Jack and I talked and agree that we want what is best for her and we can not rule out that we may not be what is best for her.  We hope we are.  We feel we are.  But, we are at least honest enough with ourselves to know that some of those emotions could have selfish motivations.  We truly love this child enough to follow God's will for her. 

The emotions of this news were definitely mixed.  I was truly thrilled that this woman would seek Melissa out.  From the first day I never doubted that her Mom loved her.  She was malnourished but otherwise cared for.  She had no diaper rashes or any signs of neglect.  She had been loved to the best of her Mom's abilities.  I believe that with every ounce of my soul.  I have never questioned her Mom's choices because frankly I can not say that mine would have been any different in the desperate situation she was in. 

And yet, my heart aches and breaks a little more faced with the fact that this road has become even rockier and unsure of its ultimate destination.  Those emotions were shared with Jack (my husband) only briefly with a quick cry in our hallway before we had to put on our "happy faces" as we were hosting a sleepover for my 10 year old's b-day at a local hotel with family and friends.  Sometimes I really don't think I have the fortitude for this journey.  We must, however, dig a little deeper again and journey on. 

Stay tuned...