A little more from our visit in July/August

As I sat on the plane staring at the blinking cursor, I found it hard to know how to start this blog entry. Most of you who have followed Melissa’s story know what has happened in the last several days. Let me go back just a little to our last visit to catch up though.

We had a good visit punctuated by the ever present and ever changing medical crisis. This trip it was a 10 day old infant from the Jimani area Bateys who was having frequent seizure activity. Jack, as a result, got lots of quality time with Melissa which I am very grateful for. We spent every possible moment with her enjoying the mundane activities of childcare. (Boy that girl can do a Code Brown!) We enjoyed feeding her in her new pink highchair we’d brought, reading to her, practicing sitting her up and bathing. Well… that one she didn’t enjoy much.

We did get to meet with one of the lawyers and Wilna who is our adoption advocate (and Melissa’s day-to-day mom).

It felt good to hand over the dossier in its completion and have that done. The lawyer seemed pleased with its appearance and was going to submit it to the IBESR which is the Haitian equivalent of social services.

We were blessed to get to finally meet face-to-face the Bonacquisti family who have been spending their summer in Haiti as a family with their beautiful adoptive daughter Isemelda. They coordinate a malnutrition clinic in a village and have done remarkable changes in the lives of the children there. Truly a life saving mission. Check them out at http://fearlesswarriorsforhaiti.blogspot.com/.  The visit was brief but filled with the love and connections that only God can weave together. Jeremy gifted us with some beautiful pictures of Jack, Melissa and myself. I never dreamed how special these photos would become as I really wasn’t in the mood to do pics at the time. Judge for yourself.

I thought you would agree!

The next morning would be a crazily orchestrated symphony of travel to the courthouse for Jack to sign “the book” declaring our intent to adopt Melissa. A wonderful Chadasha driver/translator/go-to-guy was to drive us to Wilna’s house to pick her up to go to the courthouse. We needed to be at the airport no later than 10:30 to catch our plane home. Hoastie arrived to take us at 8:30am. We inched, literally inched our way in traffic toward Wilna’s house only to get lost. By the time we finally met up with Wilna it was already 9:30a and I’ll admit I doubted we were going to make it. Wilna decides to drive to save time and after 15min of driving worthy of the Dukes of Hazzard when were parked across the street from the courthouse. Jack got his Port-au-Prince tour in 15 minutes. Though I’m not sure how much he saw while praying for God to spare his life. And Melissa, sound asleep!

Jack and Wilna went in and did the business at hand and then we comfortably made the airport in time. Parting Melissa was rough on Jack as it has always been for me. We kissed her with promises of seeing her again soon to bring her home and never leave her again.




We just didn’t know what those words would mean…

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

She had him at "goo"...

After a tumultous trip down to Port-au-Prince, we arrived with much less luggage.  We were late getting out of baggage claim.  I was waiting to file a lost baggage claim and had left Jack sitting by the conveyor belt with the pieces of luggage that had arrived.  As the room emptied, Jack was greeted by Wilbur who was sent in to help us.  Jack was quite surprised to be sitting in the PaP baggage claim and have someone come up to him and ask if he was "Jack".  He said his initial response was, "Why?  Does it show?"

We rolled through an empty customs area and met "the gang" at the truck.  And within a second of reaching the car, Jack had fallen for another woman. ;)  Forgive the choppiness at the end as I was trying to record, tip the gentlemen helping and greeting everyone.  It was a crazy couple minutes compounded with the start of a rain shower.



We weaved through the streets of PaP with Melissa snuggled in Jack's arms.  Even Jack noticed that he must be distracted to not be worrying about the lack of seatbelt restraint or car seat.

We arrived at the guesthouse and tried to unpack 2 of the bags that had made it.  It was a special and surreal moment that Jack and I both felt overwhelmed by our emotions of it all.

I will admit at this point that with each visit I struggle with the "getting to know you" period with Melissa.  I understand she has no reason to remember me given the 2-3 month gaps between visits.  She has a book with my voice, pictures and such but I'm still a stranger.  As time passes, she recognizes me but I long for the day when her little face lights up with dimples a-glow when she sees me.  Someday little one...someday...

The Eve of the "Big Visit"

Once again I sit her and blog when my butt should be in bed.  As I prepared to try to sleep in the cozy bed here at the Holiday Inn I realized I needed to update things.

We FINALLY, after another round of unsuccessful attempts with the Miami Consulate, learned why they couldn't help us.  Jack's birth certificate is from New Jersey.
Why is that important?
Well for 2 weeks I had no idea.  As it turns out because it was a NJ document, it had to go to the Consulate of Haiti in New York. 

ARGH! *sigh*

So, we send it off to NY and our last piece to Miami.  I then get a call from the NY consulate that they couldn't legalize it either because they needed this stamp and that stamp on it.  WHAT?

This would've been a week ago Thursday and I'll admit I was bawling uncontrollably.  Of course, this call comes as I am to start seeing my patients for the morning.  A long trip to the bathroom and God sized prayers on my knees in the bathroom and I began pleading the consulates for help.
(And for those wondering, YES I did wash my hands! ;) )

Well, God was gracious and merciful on my weary heart.  A sweet assistant of the main consule listened and took time to understand my confusion.  She called back and the letter was sent.

Now, in the mean time, we had sent our last document to the Miami consulate with an easy week to spare.  They had sent back our 17 documents in 5 days so I really wasn't worried. 

To make this short, we are headed down in a few hours without that document.  No idea where it is, but it will have to be sent down after we get back.

The last 8 months of my life for this stack of stamped and re-stamped documents

Along with THREE copies makes for some heavy carryon luggage even for me.

We did finally complete our I-600A form which is the application to the US immigration department where they will say we are approved to adopt in the US's eyes.  (I know this story sounds unreal).  That whole process was wrought with delays unclear, claims of unpaid fees though I had receipts from them in hand, and general hassling.  We received our appointment for fingerprinting (again) and I chuckled.

It was the day before we were looking to fly down and take our dossier to Haiti and it was in Birmingham.  Ah...perfect timing. 

Immigration office in Birmingham
(No phones, cameras, etc will allowed in.)

So, today Jack and I without our kiddos trekked down to Birmingham.  Fingerprints were done painlessly.  We spent the afternoon in a low key manner walking the mall and eating.  We are both in a weird place mentally.  This is Jack's first trip to Hait and he'll be the first to admit that going has been full of uncertainty.  For me, I too am full again of anxiety and uncertainty. 

I'll admit now to you all that there are days that I have wondered where I lost my focus in all of this. 

The focus should actually not be Melissa.

It's true.

I love this little girl with all of my heart, but my focus has been being obedient to what I felt  feel is His call for us and Melissa.  But, the struggles and emotional roller coaster of it all has worn me down.  I am weary of the fight tonight as I lie my head on my pillow.  What if this isn't the plan HE wanted for us after all?

What if...

what if...

what if...

For those willing to help us, pray! Pray for strength and discernment.  Pray for peace of heart and mind.  Pray that we will be still and hear His plan for both Jack and I. 
My hope tonight is that if it is the Lord's will He will gift Jack with either a passion for this country as I have or at least an understanding of my heart.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 KJV

Yay....Ahhhhhhh....

YAY!!!   Packet of documents back from the Consulate of Haiti in Miami!

Ahhhhh....They refused to "legalize" (yet another stamp in a long list of stamps we need for each piece of paper proving we are okay to adopt Melissa) Jack's birth certificate.  The only explanation we got was a yellow post it note stuck to it:



Um.  Okay.  I double checked the birth certificate and it matched  everything, seal present, watermark present. 

So, I guess I'll resend it with the other document redo due to notary expiration being in September.

With all due respect....

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  I keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come in and say "You've been punked!" 

They can stamp a post it but not a watermarked embossed birth certificate.  Grrrr.....

So, we will lose another 1-2 weeks getting this "fixed".  Prayerfully though that will be quickly followed with a trip down to take the documents. 

Now is where I will make a confession.

If I was Catholic I'm sure some rosary beads and "Hail Mary"s would be involved...
there are recurring moments that I become convinced this ain't never going to happen.  What happened to faith in God to move mountains?  It wavers and cowers in the darkness of the despair of uncertainty.  I hate that I feel this but trust in the grace of God's mercies. 

Now, I'm not a total flake...well...at least I'd like to think I'm not.  Those who know me know I've traveled a challenging road or two including changing from a career with NASA in Aerospace Engineering to becoming a doctor at a more "mature" age compared to my collegues as I followed God's call for my life.  I've juggled breastfeeding an infant child while an intern.  Generally speaking I don't shy away from a challenge.

This walk of faith in the adoption of Melissa has been more emotionally and spiritually challenging to me than ANYTHING I have EVER done.  I'm thankful for the person it is changing me into but to borrow something a patient shared about her own struggles, "each inch of my spiritual growth is covered in bruises".  Every day without her I struggle as I know that these days are potentially her most healthiest times as her heart will continue to weaken as she grows.  I must have FAITH...Faith...

faith...

faith...
You can relax now...

~End of pity party #321~

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)

Getting closer...

Well, I wanted to post a short note about our progress so far.  We have made some progress.  The majority of the documents are sitting at the Haitian Consulate in Miami hopefully about to be express mailed back to us this week with all the stamps and legalization they need. For those who don't know the process, and let's be serious here NO ONE does, all documents, letters and such are notarized, county certified and state authenticated.  Then, when that is done, it is sent for translation.

But no...you aren't done yet.  Tell the lucky contestants what they win Johnny...

You win another round of stamps and fees at the Haitian Consulate.
Woo hoo!  I know you are jealous.

We had a panic moment when we got to translation. The most popular translator was "booked" until mid July. This led to yet another "oh crap" moment, panic and then faithfulness in the Lord. We were led to another tranlator who cost us a little more than the first but she was so compassionate to our case. She had adopted from Haiti herself several years ago. Isabelle completed our stuff in 3 days which was incredible. I'm so thankful.


We finally also received a letter of medical need as well to include in the Dossier.  So, if all goes well, I will be headed down to Port-au-Prince in the next 2 wks to take it all and prayerfully meet with the lawyer. 

Work is going to be a challenge to reschedule on short notice but I am faithful that the Lord will somehow work out that detail.  With the months of work to get this far, you'd think that we were close.  Wished that was the case but we now have to circumnavigate the Haitian side next.

There has been a lot of stress with the uncertainty of certain changes being proposed for the adoption system in Haiti.  I suspect in time they may be good changes, but if they are implemented before our case is established in the Haitian courts, there is a chance we'd have to start over. 

*Shudder*

At some point, I do want to post some about the last trip down with the team.  It was a God led group and was a real blessing.  My time with Melissa was precious.  It really clicked this time.  She and I bonded deeper than we had to date.  It was good but made things even more emotional and harder for me.  There was so much I wanted for her and so little I could do.  I am completely dependent on others for her daily care.  So, without going into details of my crazy mind, it was hard...very hard.

While we were there, Melissa developed some diarrhea which made for some creative "Code Brown" moments as we jaunted about Port-au-Prince.  At one point, I found myself in a hallway of clinic waiting for her ECHO and the ECHO of 2 other children as she proceeded to pollute fill her diaper.  Noting an empty small table, we pitted there and made a quick change of the situation.  It must have been quite a show for the 10 or so Haitians waiting in the hallway to see the doctor. 

It was a good week over all to learn about this sweet child who the Lord has blessed us with.  Little things like how she enjoys having her feet rubbed.  She just melts when you rub those tiny feet.  Her amazing interest in her surroundings.  How she still sleeps a lot likely due to her heart issues.  It is so hard to get so close only to have to leave ... AGAIN ...

I won't delve into the pain of leaving her this trip and the subsequent melt down and "beheading" of a Chadasha board member who was anxious for us to leave for the airport that last day.  I'll share that for another post and apology. 

What I will boldly ask for this post is PRAYER!

More PRAYER!

More PRAYER!

Unceasing, pleading PRAYER!

We are still so close and yet so far away.  Please pray for the rapid return of documents from the consulate.  Pray for the means to carry the Dossier down this month.  Pray for the focus and spirit to move our Haitian advocates to process our stuff in a timely and organzied fashion.  Pray for Melissa's health to continue to remain stable.  Pray for peace in my spirit to know she is wrapped in the love of our Father who loves her even more than I do.

To keep the post on a happy note, here is a video clip from one night while we were decompressing from the day.  Miss 'Lissa cracks me up...

Walk of Faith

This blog update is beyond late.  I know that and I can only apologize.  I've posted over and over in my mind and yet nothing has made it to this page.  Things has been beyond challenging getting the paperwork together for the "dossier" to go down for Melissa's adoption.  The dossier is basically the collection of required documents, letter, rectal probes and evaluations for the application to adopt a child.  What I have learned is that there is very little information out there to guide someone in a private adoption in Haiti not going through an adoption agency.  The Lord did bless me with some very kind and PATIENT women who have shared what they have known and learned going through the process a few steps ahead of us.  Thank you Melissa Hogue, Kari Smith, and Elizabeth Bullen.  You guys are my "adoption sisters".

What I did not appreciate fully or at all was how different it is state to state.  Apparently, in my great state of Alabama, by the time you complete all the state level requirements for an international adoption you can also apply for sainthood I am convinced. 

For example, the "homestudy".  For some this may involve a meeting with the social worker and a visit to your home.  Ours involved 4 meetings including detailed autobiographies, 2 hr interviews with each of us by the social worker, criminal history investigations by the FBI and ABI (Alabama Bureau of Investigation), child abuse history clearance and our home visit.  Oh wait, don't forget the 4 hours of interviews by a psychologist.  Alrighty then...you would think that any child abuse charges we may have had would show up in the FBI & ABI checks but no...must check that separate as well. 

I have joked that our rectal probes are scheduled for next week.  I'm just waiting to hear that is no joke.

We jumped into our homestudy with gusto.  By the second week of March, fingerprints were submitted for our criminal history investigation.  In about 2 weeks, we got Jack's clearance letter.  Yay!

Then we waited...

and waited...

and waited...

No one I called could tell me where in process my fingerprints sat.  After SIX WEEKS, finally someone was able to tell me that neither of the first 2 sets of fingerprints had ever left the FBI and a new set of prints were going to be needed.
WHAT?!?!?!?!
Six weeks to tell me that?  Grrrr............
So within 24hrs of that phone call, I had a 3rd and 4th sets of fingerprints overnight to the processing company.  3 days later they confirmed the receipt (again grrrrr...) and I was told they still didn't look like they'd be useable but they'd "try".

Hello?!?!  I repeatedly explained that there was a child's life pending this, but it would seem that nothing stirs these people.  Each day I just prayed that we would continue to get good reports regarding Melissa's stability and each day the Lord did provide.

Another 3 weeks passes and FINALLY success.  I received the letter.
It is official.
I am not nor have I ever been a criminal.
Good to know.  Also good to know that apparently if I decided to become a criminal my prints would not be traceable. ;)

So, all things completed and home study gets done.  Yippee!!!

Let me interject at this point that the home visit was quite stressful.  Imagine preparing for someone to come into your home to determine you and your family's suitability to adopt a child.  In the course of that week, there was a moment when the girls' bickering led me to think the social worker may decide to take a few of our kiddos instead of bestow one to us.  My husband was tickled with the brief few days of having an immaculate home until the kids returned it to our normal state of chaos.

So, the last week of April I was blessed to head back to my other home and see my baby girl.  It was wonderful and I traveled with a beautifully knitted team to serve for a week in whatever capacities were deemed important. 

I'll share the trip with you in the next blog but if you are interested, check out some of the team's blogs and thoughts:
http://steppingoutsidemybox.blogspot.com/

http://mylifeinsingleexposures.blogspot.com/2011/04/melissa-fix.html#comments

For those waiting for a glimpse of our growing baby girl, here it is:

Yes.  She is holding her own bottle.  Well, that is when she's made to.  She's been beautifully spoiled!

Stay tuned...

Happy 1st Birthday Melissa!

 HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY MELISSA HOPE!

“Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations— that’s what I had in mind for you.”  Jeremiah 1:5

So we had all the makings for a special celebration of Melissa's 1st birthday.  Pink table covering, banner, balloons, crepe paper, presents, cake and family.   Melissa's WHOLE family (except for Momma Kristina who we missed very much).  For such a tiny creature, the Lord has used to her to bring together a broad menagerie of people who love her as their own.  Even Melissa's own mother who carried her through the loss of everything worldly she knew last year in the earthquake was able to travel many miles on foot to join the celebration.

We visited and got a good chance to take in the joy of the occasion.  There was no feeling of tension or discomfort in the room - only the pure joy of life that comes from the grace of God.  Melissa's birth Mom was very quiet but smiled often with a genuine smile of happiness.

With Wilna interpreting, Chrismon (purely phonetic on her name but I believe that is what she said) and I got to talk a lot.  Names have always been important to me which is why keeping her name Melissa in the adoption was never under question.  I asked Mom how she got her name.  "Melissa" was the name of a close friend or Godmother of sorts.  Melissa had no given middle name.  I asked Mom if she would be okay with us giving her the full name of "Melissa Hope Chapman".  She answered in Kreyol and Wilna began laughing.  I inquired as to what she had said and apparently Mom was asking for Dad's name (Myrtil) to be taken off Melissa as quickly as we could. 

We looked at the photo album I had brought with pictures of each of her blanc (white) family members and recorded voices that played with the pictures.  The smiles said it all.  Mom repeatedly would say that she was not Melissa's Mom and that I was.  My response was clear and without hesitation.

NO!  WE are BOTH her mothers.

The Lord wove this story with each person as a very important link in Melissa's life and His story.  We would not have Melissa if SHE had not been courageous enough to carry her during pregnancy and all the trauma of the earthquake, cared for Melissa to her fullest abilities and then in a last sacrifical offering left her to receive the care and love the Lord was preparing for her.  Her role as Melissa's mother should and will be a part of Melissa's story.  The Lord has filled my heart and my husband's heart with an incredible peace regarding Chrismon's presence in Melissa's life.  There is no fear or question.  Just peace.  This is God's will and we feel it. 

I was able to ask about the pregnancy and the day she left Melissa too.  It was always clear to me that Melissa had been loved and cared for as best as could have been.  When we had her that fateful day in September she had no rashes, no evidence of neglect, just malnourished and needing food which is the daily battle of many Haitian children.  Chrismon explained that her mother (Melissa's maternal grandmother) had been killed in the earthquake.  Melissa's biological father threw them and what little she had out of their "home" not long after Melissa was born.  She tried to provide for Melissa but just wasn't able to feed and protect her.  She describes standing in the rain holding her infant daughter the night before she left her and knowing that if she didn't do something drastic she would die in her arms.  So, she found the safest place she knew which was the clinic she had visited with her previously and that is where she left her.  Her mom describes the anguish of that night and how she couldn't breathe.  I can only begin to imagine how completely and utterly heart wrenching that was.  Could any of us sacrifice this way to give up our only child to ensure a better life? 

We only live by a similar sacrifice the Lord made when He gave His only son to ensure our lives.

Chrismon did go on to say that she has been completely overwhelmed with the acceptance and love she has felt since her return.  She truly had been convinced that she would be punished and shunned for her actions.  This was a precious moment for us.  This was the first opportunity that I had snatched up to share the word of God's grace.  We spoke of how it isn't our grace to her, but GOD's unending grace he gives to us all.  We all need it.  We all survive through it.  We all MUST SHARE it. 

Did you hear me???

We ALL must share God's grace!

 But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.  1 Corinthians 15:10
Another important healing moment was getting to reassure her Mom that nothing she did caused Melissa's health issues.  As a physician, I have frequently listened to mothers who lament in concerns of "what did they do wrong".  A look of relief washed over her face as I explained that nothing she did, the earthquake or her Mom's death had contributed.  It was another healing moment of grace. 

Hmmm...maybe her name should be Melissa Grace?  ;)

So, back to the party.  We sang, ate cake and breathed in the beauty of the moment.  The Lord was with us in that room at the guesthouse and all was right in the world.  If even for that precious moment.


Birthday hat #1.  First enjoyed by my oldest 10 years ago.
(No hoarder comments please!)





Trying out the cake.  She wasn't so sure but liked the icing.  Remember she has no teeth.




Birthday hat #2
How can you resist that toothless grin?



Enjoying her Christmas present from her Aunt Amy while wearing her cross from her JeeJee.



And remember, enjoy every moment the Lord gifts us with!